Maka's Struggle
by DerangedDilemma
Summary: "But I knew that I would never be the same. Not after this. I've been changed, but this time, for the better. I didn't see myself as nothing but a monster. I now saw myself as a person who had struggled for a long time. Now, I also saw that I was never alone." - Alternate AU. Slightly OOC. Rated T for potentially triggering content.


**AN: I know I haven't updated my stories in forever, but this one has been stirring in my mind for quite awhile. It was inspired by things I went through and things I saw so please don't be hateful. I'll try to start updating more, but just a warning, that may not happen. I do not own Soul Eater. All rights go to Atsushi Ōkubo. This story will only be in Maka's POV. Warning, some of the characters may be slightly out of character.**

How long had it been? Seconds? Minutes? I knew for sure it couldn't have been an hour. School had just started. I tapped my pencil against my desk, looking at the blackboard absentmindedly. I was waiting for that phone call; the phone call that I knew would change everything. I heaved a small sigh. I knew I shouldn't have told Tsubaki what I had done, but she was the only one who knew; the only one who knew what I was doing to myself; the only one who knew how I really feel; the only one who knew how badly I wanted to throw my life away.

I twirled my dirty blonde hair between my gloved fingertips, dropping my pencil once I realised how much I must have been annoying the class. I glanced over to Kim, my only friend in my first period class.

"Hey." I whispered with a small smile, already knowing that I won't be seeing her for a while after this.

She glanced at me, her bright green eyes meeting my own,

"Hey."

I gave a small smile as I heard the phone ring,

"Make sure you take notes for me."

I heard the murmuring voice of the teacher as he talked to the person on the phone before he hung up, turning to face me.

"Maka Albarn, you're wanted in the guidance office."

I gave a small nod, packing my binder into my bag along with my pencil, sticking my phone into my pocket.

"Where are you going?" Kim asked, curiosity burning in her eyes.

I could feel my emerald eyes start to water.

"That doesn't matter. I'll be back soon though, don't worry." I took in her appearance, since I knew she would be the last friend of mine that I would be seeing for awhile aside from Tsubaki. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder before heading out of the familiar classroom and walking down the abandoned hallway. I felt a tear run down my cheek and I lost it. The tears wouldn't stop coming down, and I knew they wouldn't stop for a long time.

I could barely see my black boots as I walked down the staircase, gripping the railing for dear life, terrified of slipping and falling. It's bad enough I'd be walking in the Guidance office a tearful mess, I don't need to be limping too. Once I reached the bottom, I turned right, my destination in plain sight. I knew I had to do this. There was no way I could run away. They knew everything and, soon, my family would too.

Pushing open the door, I was greeted by Tsubaki's tight embrace. "Maka... I'm so sorry." She whispered. She had been in my position earlier. She knew how I was feeling and she knew the terror that gripped my heart. She had already experienced the pounding noise in her ears, the stinging eyes, the panic, and the feeling that everything was about to change.

She led me inside my guidance counselor's office, where she had been reading the messages I had sent to Tsubaki the night before. Everyone called her Ms. Naigus. Bandages covered her body as her blue, piercing eyes were carefully reading everything word for word.

I sat down in a chair, Tsubaki sitting right beside me as we both sat in silence, waiting for Ms. Naigus's suggestions and advice, though I already knew what was going to happen.

After she handed Tsubaki's phone back to her, she handed me a box of tissues. "I'm going to have to call your parents, alright? Together, we'll figure out how to deal with this." She stated, placing her hand on my knee comfortingly.

Now she knew everything.

But what she had said made me cry harder. I didn't want my parents to know. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on their faces.

"Is that okay?" She asked softly, knowing how fragile I was. Tsubaki hugged me tightly.

I didn't acknowledge either of them. I couldn't focus on anything but how my parents might react.

Tsubaki's violet eyes just looked down at me, at the blubbering mess I had become.

"It's okay."

I shook my head and I could do nothing but watch and cry even louder as Naigus dialed my parent's number, placing the phone against her ear.

I trembled wildly, like a leaf shaking in the wind. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real. I pulled the sleeves of my black coat down, hiding the red and white lines on my wrists.

I covered my ears, not wanting to hear a word she said. Desperately, I pleaded and cried and prayed that this was all some sick nightmare, that it wasn't happening, that I was dead.

Anything seemed better than what was about to happen.

I opened my emerald eyes, still murmuring to myself about how I needed to wake up when Naigus hung up the phone and put her hand over mine.

"Maka."

I looked up at her.

"They'll be here shortly."

I wiped my nose on my sleeve. "What... what did they say?" I asked uncertainly, scared of what the answer would be.

"Your father cares about you very much. I told him what has happened and asked him to come here. His response was, 'What? I'll be right there.'"

I gave a small groan before crying again. To think I had this much water in my body.

"You'll be okay, Maka. This is for the best, trust me." Tsubaki said, rubbing my back softly.

I gave a small nod. Who would've known that the school's honour student would hate her life so much that she had actually tried to overdose the other night. Who would've known that Maka Albarn - bookworm and straight-A student, hated her life so much that she wanted to die.

 **AN: That's it. Sorry it's so short, but I'll try to update it often.**

 _ **Special thanks to my beta reader,**_ ** _MissFiyerabaMeponineWholock for helping me out. You're one amazing motherfucker._**


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